Understanding You

Living the life you want to live in the face of criticism means getting clear on:

The opinions that truly matter to you and why. Whose opinions matter most to you? Saying ‘I don’t care what anyone thinks is rarely true and hides a world of insecurities. It stops us from creating meaningful connections with others because it closes off any avenue of communication in which both voices matter. But the list of whose opinions truly matter needs to be small. It is also worth pointing out that acknowledging who matters does not mean it is your responsibility to please them. It just means you are willing to listen to their feedback, even when it is not praise, because you know it is likely to be honest and in your best interests, therefore most likely to be helpful.

Why you do what you do. The one person you most need the approval of is you. When the way we are living is out of line with our values and what matters most, life stops feeling meaningful or satisfying. Understanding the kind of person you want to be and how you want to live your life, how you want to contribute to the world, is the road you want to stay close to. When you know exactly who you are and who you want to be, it is much easier to choose which criticisms to take on board and which ones to let go.

Where those familiar critical voices are really coming from and whether they are warranted and helpful or detrimental to our wellbeing. When there is someone in your life who is predictably critical, you hear their voice before they even say anything. Over time we internalize their constant criticism so that it becomes the way we speak to ourselves. So we may be highly self-critical because we have learned to be. Recognizing that we learned that way of speaking to ourselves helps us to acknowledge that we can re-learn a new internal dialogue that serves us better.